Tuesday, December 8, 2009
This may be the most influential post ever. It may spark controversy and debate- but I feel it is my duty to speak the truth about this global corporation and one of their least fair business practices:
Mcdonalds in ketchikan serves breakfast until 11am!
Not ten like the mamby pamby vegan tolerating bay - but a sausage mc muffin mid day happy break AT ELEVEN.
Almost enough to make a girl stay (you know how the breakfast sandwich is my siren call...)
Special and ironic thanks goes to meg for aiding my,albeit late, discovery, of this uber tasty morsel of miscellaneous pig parts. Mmm thanks.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
i think it may stem from the fact that everyone comes here to be alone. ergo, when in stores, with their children, in bars, etc. there is always a vague haze of ignoring the nearest humans. often they would prefer to be looking at boats and communicating with eagles.
this, like most social disorders, is fine and inconsequential generally. it can be problematic, however, when interacting with people is a necessity (e.g. a job). Clocking in, recording hours, agreeing upon shifts has all proven to be a minefield of misunderstanding - we believe it is probably the fault of the undiagnosed social disorder rampant in this here village. it's probably the fish.
other weirdness examples include:
-weird guy about town seen weekly who speaks to us as though we're cousins in a donald duck voice
-excessive phone calls at 5 am for susan. something about her prescription meds. all from different people. we joked that it could me meth face mc jail coworker from our working days...but no, she doesn't have our number. old lady prescription meds caller gives a last name. IT WAS meth face mc jail!
-um, ju jitsu diet anyone?
-everyone insists we are moving here. all the time. everyone - the bartenders, the old lady at the collectible shop, our old boss. everyone.
-creepy guy who watches everyone from his window... at night... without binoculars, just standing in the window frame.
this hamlet's been swell, but home's a callin...
Sunday, November 29, 2009
K's sister has arrived. she has brought with her a diminished volume of television watching in favor of exploring the island across the water, exploring a cave (turned out to be a farce), revisiting the totems and slinging back some cold ones.
We explored an alpine muskeg where we were met with closed roads - one because of explosives beyond the point of no return. 2 out of 3 of us turned back. D also found not berries, but medicinal herbs. tea ahoy! we'll let you know how that goes...
And best of all, she brought us news of a local guest speaker: dave valentine the life-long logger.
See photo attached. Or the whole shebang here
Thanks for new blood!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
me: also i called the delivery thing back because Brandee called me back but obvi said nothing in her message tomorrow afternoon between 12-3 is when they'll deliver so we can go then...
me: are you kidding?
me: i meant in person when we get home but the phone might be better...who knows
me: hmmm we'll see how far i get...
Danielle: i want good chocolate cake
me: i want snacks...not condiments
Danielle: no go
Danielle: i cant believe a) you knew your wpm anytime since 7th grade
me: i had to take a test to temp...
me: thank you!
Danielle: i can't post copied text
me: on it
I know you are all now completely jealous of the exciting lives we are leading...control yourselves.
p.s. it is now 3:50pm and nearly dark...which wouldn't be a problem but we found out the other night that the wood bridge heading to our apartment freezes, so that our tires spin and don't move, after dark when the temp drops...
now back to CSI
Monday, November 16, 2009
Turns out that when they say 'high tide' they mean it here. It was so high there was no beach to walk on. No matter. We changed course to walk the highway (known to locals as a "trail" - wtf). Ten minutes into our skirting the one lane freeway: it starts to rain. Naturally, this happens what living in a rainforest and all. Eyeing the ominous clouds and recalling there's a huge storm warning I thought it smart to turn back to the car.
I walk back to the trusty ford Taurus sedan with the trick locks that I've been gratefully sporting (courtesy of the dog owners). I get in and all the sudden cars start pulling in beside me. I was the only car in the lot and now there are 5 cars. All parked facing the water. All cooing and looking intently at the waves.
Well crap! what am I missing? i thinks to myself... i know! i'll turn on the radio - maybe it's whales!
the following are all of the radio stations in range:
christian bible reading
old timey vaudvillian stand up
and none of them told me there were whales.
so i sat, eyes open waiting to see what everyone else was looking at. and then they started to leave.
i've decided they were looking at the waves (waves are rare here given that it's blocked by a bunch of other islands). But i'll kick myself if i've missed a whale....
and three minutes after driving away the sun came out.
Friday, November 13, 2009
It was beautiful and so calm, there are some houses or cabins on the shore that have fire places for day camping.
You can see the snow up on the mountain tops but until today it had not come down into town...it was like we were being teased.
We brought Randall, the maltese that we are currently dogsitting with us...while a little dog and kind of a tweaker he is quite cute. We did force him into some photos that I'm not sure he was so into but he's a dog and we needed props.
Overall this was a lovely calm nature walk around the lake. Our full album is on our picasa but the definite highlight of the trip was when we came upon a rope swing over the water. Please note that the weather is probably in the high 40s or low 50s, not exactly warm. What was revealed was that D is clearly more adventurous of the two and while there may not have been precipitation, a rare occurence, this trip still definitely involved getting wet!
Friday, November 6, 2009
We wish wed had an extra cocktail at home.
I will def need a cigarette to get through this.
At least we switched seats with children thus getting adult width chairs (helpful fo tose of us thick madames...
2 children have touched me thus far. Oh god. Its starting
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
Assburger young man: "uh... Yeah..."
G: "but - its cinnamon"
AG: "uh, then no. I'm not supposed to have spices because of my jujitsu diet"
We go on to learn that she's 18, has a husband,Drinks and smokes weed and would like to know the same about everyone else. AB asks for her name. She replies, "shithead".
Assburger then asks K and I if were a couple... But he wasn't sure if the question would make us uncomftorable.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
b. restrain from googling whether ketchikan has mudslides - locals tell me they don't
c. make elaborate lunch/breakfast from scratch
d. watch 2-5 law and orders
e. open door to allow air circulation in window box "modern" 70's hillside apt
f. spend at least half hour catching two flies that have come in via door or seldom opened window. no screens present on any house orifices.
g. pine for cosmopolitanness and X loved one
h. admonish self for pining - am in alaska!
i. look up prices to go explore more of alaska
j. again shriek that this place is unforgivably inaccessible and am incredulous that to get to the island i can see will cost me the same as trip home to oakland. fact: hawaii is cheaper to get to than a glacier
k. look in guidebook for other great things to do here. am being plucky
l. have literally done everything in guide book under $100 in radius of our legs and public transportation
m. have fit
n. sew something
o. watch CSI. brainstorm halloween costumes for grand party at the town's civic center
p. watch CSI again because it sneaks the next episode before the first one has ended. clever carnie trick CSI... very clever....
q. mute TV to speculate on what man upstairs is doing
r. occasionally leave house for own health (store, coffee, hike, stalk minimal acquaintances)
s. think how blanche deveraux is showing us up
t. watch golden girls (on 100% of hours here)
u. do something creative. have decided am currently at artists retreat. that is going very well
v. try to get fit. get bored/involved in another CSI (unless its miami... hate miami)
w. read almost one book a day
x. put makeup on for self
y. attempt photoshoot. delete results
z. go to bed between 2 and 5am. vow to keep normals hours tomorrow.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tyra has founded the neo blackface fashion spread - by way of mixies. I have to say, the shame i sometimes have of my kind - induced by huge egos, cluelessness, uppitiness, bourgieness, selling our darker kin down the river (sometimes literally), and internalized white supremacy - was actually in direct proportion to the stupidity of this episode.
"think about Egypt, the people, what they've been through"
"in Botswana, music is heard everywhere you go"
"Hapa means half in Hawaiian"
d: i know what you did last week
k: i think it was two weeks ago if your talking about that thing
time flies when you do nothing
d: no i was making a movie analogy
k: i got that too, thought it had double meaning..
d: sitting five feet from your bed
d: i hear you typing
k: if there were an upstairs i'd run there and not be able to get out
d: i need dessert
i'm gonna slit my wrists unless i have dessert
k: you still have ice cream sandwiches... the serious way?
d: they're not cutting it
k: we could walk to pioneer for pie
...and so we did.
UNTIL IT WAS CLOSED. THE ONLY 24 HOUR ESTABLISHMENT (a shitty diner not to be confused with the magnificent beautiful heavenly pie lady). closed.
the only food/dessert/sausage/cheeseburger to be had is whatever i remembered to buy at the grocery store several days ago.
this is criminal. v. like peasants of yesteryear. someone should open a 24 hour diner/bakery here. you'd make a killing. i'd hook you up with my local connections. not joking.
so of course we went to a bar instead. one drink: g&t and jameson and soda.
while the sonic commercial taunted me from the silent tv in the corner we could only agree with the barkeep:
at least it's exciting that it might snow.
Monday, October 26, 2009
seagulls are found on all 5 continents and have existed for at least 30 million years
all animals are believed to have evolved from sponges - sponges!
one reduces the temperature of a cheesecake to cool it gradually which keeps it from cracking on top
ramen gets its yum from sea cucumber
there are no snakes in alaska
Sunday, October 25, 2009
there is one cuban. the lady i waited for the bus with at walmart said of him, "he's such a fuckin cuban - playin all that mexican music all loud and shit." She told me that right after telling me about how old people tried to kidnap her daughter two separate times, although in truth i think one time was a mistake.
but for real: can you really imagine a town without a mexican?
sometimes i have to mariachi yell to keep their spirit alive...
Friday, October 23, 2009
Please note: this new and accurate description says nothing of criminal records, drug use, ATTRactiveness, age, or social skills.
That is all.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
point is: in this day and age googling an individual is standard.
i have an upgrade.
it may blow your mind.
once you know it, you can't unknow it.
and i tell you this at my own risk - you may find embarrassingly hideous photos of me. in reality am doing impression of drunk girl.
GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH YOURSELF.
mind trip yo
Friday, October 9, 2009
I call it Snuggie Montage I.
Honestly, what did one do before the internet...
I don't think so. They're just so friendly. And pregnant. And organized in that charming homespun honest way. They prayed for obama to receive wise counsel you know...
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
B) has anyone else apprciated the best part of that commercial? The dog (clearly in a dog snuggie that yes- you actually can buy) is wearing walgreens reading glasses. Holla at a nearsighted bitch.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
sitka pie lady.
are we going to sitka (site of jews, russians, and recent hollywood pretty people filming)?
she moved here, has a shop in the marina far north and not accessible via bus, and it, apparently is the only shop there. we have to find it. there's nothing else.
let me take you back, back, back to a time when two fine tipping dusky locals came up to my crab counter oh but a few weeks ago...
me: "where you from?" (question asked to all - answer invariably is either arizona, vancouver, or the deep south)
m: "oh, wow, some local folk. what have you been up to today?"
t: "well, we are from here and are back visiting. today we went to see the sitka pie lady"
i had a gustatory heart attack - how could this be? a pie lady? a pie lady in my own town? my own town that has only one restaurant I haven't yet been two despite arriving five weeks ago - how?! who would deprive me of pie???!
they went on to explain that she is the pie lady from a restaurant in the sitka airport. people would get off their plane during a 30 minute layover to go buy a pie. not a slice of pie - a pie. the whole pie. if not multiple pies. clearly some evil local plot has been keeping me from my pie - fruit, peanut butter, chocolate - they've been pulling the polar bear furr over mine eyes.
i mean, clearly i love to eat... TELL ME ABOUT YOUR PIE.
they trotted off after tipping well (holler) and i stored this morsel of critical information away. my list of things to see in AK is now ranked 1) the pie lady 2)the indian island (no joke, actual island) 3)moose lodge 4)totem poles at the other massive totem pole park 5)tidepools (but i have to be careful not to get caught out and drown due to rapid tide changes)
i digress. back to pie.
after finishing my day i walked next door two weeks ago to the local watering hole and inquired of the ginger haired barmaid - where and how do i get to the pie. she related what she knew - vague directions without street names which seem to be the town hallmark and i proceeded to mi jameson on the rocks.
flash forward to today. fresh faced from my second day of unemployment and with wheels (rented a car to move into next apt - 2 bedrooms this time yall, we movin on up). excited to be driving and not lugging bags in the rain we thought we'd capitalize on our chance to explore past the bus boundaries and investigate this pie situation. K and I recalled different directions to said pie shop, and, without streets, a name of the store, a name of the pie lady, or agreement on whether it was north or south, we sought local aid.
the pie lady.
no joke. but fair readers: i did not die. i proceeded to google. google had nothing. (where the fudge pie do you have to be to google something that exists and get NOTHING - locality check like whoa). but, if at first you don't succeed...
after erroneously calling other businesses in the vicinity of where i thought it should be, asking random shopkeeps around downtown, and questioning the visitors bureau i earned nill for my efforts.
saddened, we made our way to alaska car rental to pickup wheels for the next 24 hours. k - bless her heart - had the presence of mind to ask just oooooooone more time.
the sweet dowdy woman behind the counter is my new fav. person - she confirmed that the pie lady exists and her stalwart shopboy -a little too indie tinged for this town in his tattered nautical wool coat and long bangs - even pointed it out on a map.
i shall tell you what angels taste like when baked into a pie. stay tuned.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Second: evryone here grows. I haveto do double takes consistently to see If im in mendicino. Seriously why is everyone so open about this. I'm obviously a square and frakly almost look the picture of a DEA agent (rolled into town, know nobody, no history - smells like feds to me...)
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
- In Alaska, the Walmart is tiny (like actually really quite small) and does not carry good sweatpants and only one long sleeve shirt (for women).
- In Alaska, fat people have love lives
- In Alaska, there is an ass at the end of our street
- In Alaska they don't recycle (at all)
- In Alaska they don't hug trees they clear cut them
- In Alaska a bus transfer is a radio call from one bus driver to the other announcing the number of transfers and where
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
We have been sleeping on balled up hats, scarves, and shirts. They are suprisingly hard.
...And hostel mom McScarerton put her boot - the very same that one that trampled to and fro across this town with a shocking volume of avian roadkill, salmon blood, and hosteler germs (prob the worst) - ON TOP OF MY BED.
She sat in cowgirl/lady luck pose kinda rubbing the bottom of her small booted filthy shoe in small circles while sitting (in street clothes) at the foot of my bed.
Almost had a corinary.
...And maybe she's going to be our landlord (if the USSR has any say in the matter)
I haven't been this drunk in the middle of the day since senior week.
We've been too depressed to write earlier. We've spent the last 72 hours calling every lead gained from the paper (aptly named "The Local Paper), the 3 listed craigslist ads, poorly handwritten for rent signs, and anything that the kennedy status vacation rental baronness "Mary" has to offer. All on foot in the rain on the bus (aptly named, "The Bus").
Our days of homeless toil are not softened by our early arrival to the church hostel were living in, as it is run by Scary McSkeletor (a would be 60-something vagabond house mother who tells 5 indecipherable stories at once whilst assigning us mild housekeeping duties in the sunday school room where we sleep). (I would add that she has walked in twice on D in the bathroom and woke the both of us yesterday to bring a gibberish speaking japanese american senior in (who she is having do manual labor) to just show her our room.)
Needless to say we have tried to spend little time there and have been too depressed to share our despair via blog.
But a few beers and promises of october rentals have put moderate pep in our step. Now if only we can get K to live on the wrong side of the tracks in a building that would have been the pride of the USSR...
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Ginger count for Seattle leg of the trip: 16
The just back from alaska cruise ship women: all in impratical shoes (but a refreshing change from the hip seattle 20something REI chic)
The men: portly
The children: blond
The 10am bus driving us north to our 'budget cruise': absent
The ride from K's uncle: priceless
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Bags: all safe and accounted for (see photo next post)
Seattle: plesant city. Prospective site for the great indie douche migration as A. There's few colored people. B.few poor people. C. Nobody to call their oft replicated individuality into question as everyone here is concerned with danskos, gardening, coffee, and being bugrois. D. They can rep so poor they have to take public transportation without the financial committment (free busses here).
Boat trips: 3
Sunday, August 16, 2009
not talking with a burning bush (nor, thankfully, do i have a burning bush) but i am...
up at 5:30 am for the third or fourth time in a week. gracias anxiety. but i suppose it's time to do something that scares me so much my subconscious wakes me from slumber (and you know how much i like slumber) to rouse me to action.
sin wit, the plan:
0: Packing/Freaking Out
1: August 18 Leave Oakland, to Seattle
2: August 21 - 23 Seattle on Ferry to Small Town, Alaska
3: August 23 Stay in Small Town Hostel until finding a home or talking the hostel woman into letting us stay... apparently the real estate market in Small Town Alaska is "oooh... really tight" (not in the early 90's sense) according to every realtor in Small Town. How are convict vagabonds/us supposed to create hovels if remax won't hook em up?