Tuesday, December 8, 2009

mc donalds inequities


This may be the most influential post ever. It may spark controversy and debate- but I feel it is my duty to speak the truth about this global corporation and one of their least fair business practices:

Mcdonalds in ketchikan serves breakfast until 11am!

Not ten like the mamby pamby vegan tolerating bay - but a sausage mc muffin mid day happy break AT ELEVEN.

Almost enough to make a girl stay (you know how the breakfast sandwich is my siren call...)

Special and ironic thanks goes to meg for aiding my,albeit late, discovery, of this uber tasty morsel of miscellaneous pig parts. Mmm thanks.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


this entire town has an undiagnosed social disorder. up is down. black is white. open is closed. and everyone is cool with that.

i think it may stem from the fact that everyone comes here to be alone. ergo, when in stores, with their children, in bars, etc. there is always a vague haze of ignoring the nearest humans. often they would prefer to be looking at boats and communicating with eagles.

this, like most social disorders, is fine and inconsequential generally. it can be problematic, however, when interacting with people is a necessity (e.g. a job). Clocking in, recording hours, agreeing upon shifts has all proven to be a minefield of misunderstanding - we believe it is probably the fault of the undiagnosed social disorder rampant in this here village. it's probably the fish.

other weirdness examples include:
-weird guy about town seen weekly who speaks to us as though we're cousins in a donald duck voice

-excessive phone calls at 5 am for susan. something about her prescription meds. all from different people. we joked that it could me meth face mc jail coworker from our working days...but no, she doesn't have our number. old lady prescription meds caller gives a last name. IT WAS meth face mc jail!

-um, ju jitsu diet anyone?

-everyone insists we are moving here. all the time. everyone - the bartenders, the old lady at the collectible shop, our old boss. everyone.

-mattress ranch

-creepy guy who watches everyone from his window... at night... without binoculars, just standing in the window frame.

this hamlet's been swell, but home's a callin...

Sunday, November 29, 2009


A visitor has come unto us this thanksgiving - we are thankful.

K's sister has arrived. she has brought with her a diminished volume of television watching in favor of exploring the island across the water, exploring a cave (turned out to be a farce), revisiting the totems and slinging back some cold ones.

We explored an alpine muskeg where we were met with closed roads - one because of explosives beyond the point of no return. 2 out of 3 of us turned back. D also found not berries, but medicinal herbs. tea ahoy! we'll let you know how that goes...

And best of all, she brought us news of a local guest speaker: dave valentine the life-long logger.

See photo attached. Or the whole shebang here

Thanks for new blood!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Oh Alaska

Still dogsitting which means that on snowy days your two favorite Alaska travelers are in two different apartments. What happens in this case? Obvi we gchat!

Danielle: should we get pie right now? they're going to steal the car from us soon

me: i don't want to go now....but I do think we should go again this week

Danielle: ok

me: also i called the delivery thing back because Brandee called me back but obvi said nothing in her message tomorrow afternoon between 12-3 is when they'll deliver so we can go then...
i'll come over to you first tomorrow
whatcha doin?

Danielle: nothing
seeing how my blackberry message is being shown in russian on my computer

me: are you kidding?
verizon is going to get an ass kicking

Danielle: yeah. but i keep waitig till i have the fight it me. and i just dont

me: i meant in person when we get home but the phone might be better...who knows

Danielle: we can start it tomorrow at the store
you'll be all mad good time to call

me: perfect....
they don't know what's coming
have you ever seen Fargo?

me: i haven't and it's on now....i'm kind of excited....

Danielle: i tried to watch it
it's boring
vh1 is showign one hit wonders

me: hmmm we'll see how far i get...

Danielle: i want good chocolate cake

me: i want snacks...not condiments

Danielle: no go
you may have a potato
i want meat
not fish
dinner: fish


Danielle: :-(

me: ditto

Danielle: yo quiero pie

Danielle: this would be a good blog post

me: indeed...
fargo does = boring
watching CSI....again
took typing tests online this afternoon
my wpm is lowering with all this luxurious unemployment

Danielle: i cant believe a) you knew your wpm anytime since 7th grade
or b) that you're actually doing that

i had to take a test to temp...
and alaska is boring

me: thank you!
are you posting or should i

Danielle: i can't post copied text
fucking property rights

me: on it

I know you are all now completely jealous of the exciting lives we are leading...control yourselves.

p.s. it is now 3:50pm and nearly dark...which wouldn't be a problem but we found out the other night that the wood bridge heading to our apartment freezes, so that our tires spin and don't move, after dark when the temp drops...

now back to CSI

Monday, November 16, 2009


I just watched the rain turn into snow before my very eyes. While this was happening a float plane landed in the water right in front of the house.

It's not a whale, but it's pretty good.

Oceanic Farce or: Walking the Dog

Took the dog on a walk to the "beach" yesterday. I woke up and it was beautiful and sunny. Packed my plastic bag and set out. Weather was beautiful on the drive to the beach. Got out with mutt.

Turns out that when they say 'high tide' they mean it here. It was so high there was no beach to walk on. No matter. We changed course to walk the highway (known to locals as a "trail" - wtf). Ten minutes into our skirting the one lane freeway: it starts to rain. Naturally, this happens what living in a rainforest and all. Eyeing the ominous clouds and recalling there's a huge storm warning I thought it smart to turn back to the car.

I walk back to the trusty ford Taurus sedan with the trick locks that I've been gratefully sporting (courtesy of the dog owners). I get in and all the sudden cars start pulling in beside me. I was the only car in the lot and now there are 5 cars. All parked facing the water. All cooing and looking intently at the waves.

Well crap! what am I missing? i thinks to myself... i know! i'll turn on the radio - maybe it's whales!

the following are all of the radio stations in range:
christian rock
christian bible reading
old timey vaudvillian stand up

the end.
and none of them told me there were whales.

so i sat, eyes open waiting to see what everyone else was looking at. and then they started to leave.

i've decided they were looking at the waves (waves are rare here given that it's blocked by a bunch of other islands). But i'll kick myself if i've missed a whale....

and three minutes after driving away the sun came out.

Friday, November 13, 2009

ooh a rope swing

While we got some snow/slush today - hooray! - yesterday we actually had a nice, dry morning and early afternoon. We took full advantage and went for a nice walk around Ward Lake. Now I know you think about a lake in Alaska and maybe you think it's very large and surrounded by wild animals. However this one is in fact quite small maybe only a little over a mile around and there was a sign telling us about ducks in the area. I'm starting to think that I'm going to see more wild animals after we get back to Oakland - or at least the same amount...

It was beautiful and so calm, there are some houses or cabins on the shore that have fire places for day camping.

You can see the snow up on the mountain tops but until today it had not come down into town...it was like we were being teased.

We brought Randall, the maltese that we are currently dogsitting with us...while a little dog and kind of a tweaker he is quite cute. We did force him into some photos that I'm not sure he was so into but he's a dog and we needed props.

Overall this was a lovely calm nature walk around the lake. Our full album is on our picasa but the definite highlight of the trip was when we came upon a rope swing over the water. Please note that the weather is probably in the high 40s or low 50s, not exactly warm. What was revealed was that D is clearly more adventurous of the two and while there may not have been precipitation, a rare occurence, this trip still definitely involved getting wet!

She's sees the rope swing...but maybe the loop is too high off the ground to get her foot in...It'll work the same if you loop it around your shoulder, right?

Turns out it doesn't work the same....I was laughing too hard at the time to get a picture of her all the way in the water but she was.

We're both still laughing

Friday, November 6, 2009

high school musical: the real version

We are at this moment sitting in the ketchikan kings (as in salmon) high school auditorium to watch the community theatr production of the wizard of oz.

We wish wed had an extra cocktail at home.

I will def need a cigarette to get through this.

At least we switched seats with children thus getting adult width chairs (helpful fo tose of us thick madames...

2 children have touched me thus far. Oh god. Its starting

Thursday, November 5, 2009

We are mountain women

our reward for hiking up a 45 degree hill to arrive at a trail head....

was pretty worth it. although my cellulite was on fire, there was a pretty pretty trail. glad we went when we did - on foggy days visibility can be five feet. many a hiker gets disoriented. on freezing days the half of the trail under water (seriously, it's walking through waterfalls!) would be uber treacherous. Pretty hike last week.

Currently we are holed up in our cabin/house watching the horizontal rain. The TV and radio just issued a warning to all ships saying they should all go the nearest harbor because a mega storm is a-comin. the wind is whipping. the rain is falling in sudden heavy downpour clumps ("rain dumps?" i forgot the term). They said the rain dumps could suddenly overturn boats. Whoa. The snow is capping the mountain behind our house. We live in mad nature.

Alaska women!!!!

Monday, November 2, 2009

on the bus

Girl/woman: "Want some gum?"(Obvi pilfered from childs haloween stash offered to a stranger)

Assburger young man: "uh... Yeah..."

G: "but - its cinnamon"

AG: "uh, then no. I'm not supposed to have spices because of my jujitsu diet"

?!?! REALLY...

We go on to learn that she's 18, has a husband,Drinks and smokes weed and would like to know the same about everyone else. AB asks for her name. She replies, "shithead".

Assburger then asks K and I if were a couple... But he wasn't sure if the question would make us uncomftorable.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Generic To Do List Typical of any day in Oct.

a. wake before 2pm. looking out at inside of cliff face on which house is perched. water tempts to lull me back to sleep. water is rain and small creek that has started to flow along outer edge of foundation
b. restrain from googling whether ketchikan has mudslides - locals tell me they don't
c. make elaborate lunch/breakfast from scratch
d. watch 2-5 law and orders
e. open door to allow air circulation in window box "modern" 70's hillside apt
f. spend at least half hour catching two flies that have come in via door or seldom opened window. no screens present on any house orifices.
g. pine for cosmopolitanness and X loved one
h. admonish self for pining - am in alaska!
i. look up prices to go explore more of alaska
j. again shriek that this place is unforgivably inaccessible and am incredulous that to get to the island i can see will cost me the same as trip home to oakland. fact: hawaii is cheaper to get to than a glacier
k. look in guidebook for other great things to do here. am being plucky
l. have literally done everything in guide book under $100 in radius of our legs and public transportation
m. have fit
n. sew something
o. watch CSI. brainstorm halloween costumes for grand party at the town's civic center
p. watch CSI again because it sneaks the next episode before the first one has ended. clever carnie trick CSI... very clever....
q. mute TV to speculate on what man upstairs is doing
r. occasionally leave house for own health (store, coffee, hike, stalk minimal acquaintances)
s. think how blanche deveraux is showing us up
t. watch golden girls (on 100% of hours here)
u. do something creative. have decided am currently at artists retreat. that is going very well
v. try to get fit. get bored/involved in another CSI (unless its miami... hate miami)
w. read almost one book a day
x. put makeup on for self
y. attempt photoshoot. delete results
z. go to bed between 2 and 5am. vow to keep normals hours tomorrow.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Thank you Ma Sufflita!

We have recently received some lovely care packages from down south (that's what they call anything below Canada) from Ma' Sufflita. Some lovely Halloween candy and mugs to keep us in the holiday spirit...then today we went to the post office, on the bus with the smelliest man we have ever smelled.

Please note this was an out of the ordinary day for us - we were outside of our apartment! In fact we even went to breakfast at a restaurant!

Ok, so at the post office D receives a large envelope from the home front and the excellence within that envelope can only be appropriately conveyed via video!

what hibernation looks like

When we do reach out to the lower 48 many ask "What do you do?" and I'm sure that some of you have experienced our answers of "nothing...no really nothing." I thought it was time to show you what two women hibernating in Alaska might look like.
There is a lot of sleeping as the term hibernating would suggest. In the daylight hours I have not gotten up before 11:30 this entire month. One night D had a spider we couldn't find in her room so she slept in the living room....
There was talk of me pulling one of my mattresses out, however I am currentlty sleeping on two twin beds tied together with rope to keep them from sliding apart in the night and I didn't want to take apart such a technical set up.

Our days also involve art projects and sewing projects galore and cooking (obviously for D only). Some things we have completed are baby blankets for dear knocked up friends. We made lox again! It looks like this....

D is working on lots of exciting projects which cannot be divulged yet (i.e. presents, don't be so nosy!), I have made a linoleum print of a creepy octopus, created gum paste flowers (like on the Amazing Wedding Cakes show on TLC), made some stuffed animal cats (they're only minimally creepy) and completed a woodblock of the dead salmon to be found stinking up our lovely little town....

I have yet to attempt to print it but so far I'm fairly happy with it....we'll see.

So, to recap we sleep, create and watch a ton of tv - does anyone realize how many wedding shows are on tv at all times? I dream about weddings, not something in my personality.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Tyra, Mixies, and Black/brownface


Tyra has founded the neo blackface fashion spread - by way of mixies. I have to say, the shame i sometimes have of my kind - induced by huge egos, cluelessness, uppitiness, bourgieness, selling our darker kin down the river (sometimes literally), and internalized white supremacy - was actually in direct proportion to the stupidity of this episode.

choice quotations:
"think about Egypt, the people, what they've been through"

"in Botswana, music is heard everywhere you go"

"Hapa means half in Hawaiian"

Don't send Fat Kids to Alaska

setting: in the same 800 sq. food apt the following g chat conversation actually occurred

d: i know what you did last week

k: i think it was two weeks ago if your talking about that thing
time flies when you do nothing

d: no i was making a movie analogy

k: i got that too, thought it had double meaning..
whatcha doin?

d: sitting five feet from your bed

k: oh

d: i hear you typing
and breathing

k: if there were an upstairs i'd run there and not be able to get out

d: i need dessert
i'm gonna slit my wrists unless i have dessert

k: you still have ice cream sandwiches... the serious way?

d: they're not cutting it
its cheap

k: we could walk to pioneer for pie

...and so we did.

UNTIL IT WAS CLOSED. THE ONLY 24 HOUR ESTABLISHMENT (a shitty diner not to be confused with the magnificent beautiful heavenly pie lady). closed.

the only food/dessert/sausage/cheeseburger to be had is whatever i remembered to buy at the grocery store several days ago.

this is criminal. v. like peasants of yesteryear. someone should open a 24 hour diner/bakery here. you'd make a killing. i'd hook you up with my local connections. not joking.

so of course we went to a bar instead. one drink: g&t and jameson and soda.

while the sonic commercial taunted me from the silent tv in the corner we could only agree with the barkeep:

at least it's exciting that it might snow.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Things we have found out in our copious amounts of free time:

seagulls are found on all 5 continents and have existed for at least 30 million years

all animals are believed to have evolved from sponges - sponges!

one reduces the temperature of a cheesecake to cool it gradually which keeps it from cracking on top

ramen gets its yum from sea cucumber

there are no snakes in alaska

Sunday, October 25, 2009

A City Without ANY Mexicans

dude. there are no mexicans here.

there is one cuban. the lady i waited for the bus with at walmart said of him, "he's such a fuckin cuban - playin all that mexican music all loud and shit." She told me that right after telling me about how old people tried to kidnap her daughter two separate times, although in truth i think one time was a mistake.

but for real: can you really imagine a town without a mexican?

sometimes i have to mariachi yell to keep their spirit alive...

Friday, October 23, 2009


Alaskan men are normal normal boys who are willing to work and couldn't make it in a big pond.

Please note: this new and accurate description says nothing of criminal records, drug use, ATTRactiveness, age, or social skills.

That is all.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

the pie...

Ok so we have been informed by some of our followers that we did not post about the results of our pie excursion. The result?

The pie was amazing! We rented a car that day and started driving for what we thought would definitely be a day trip. In fact this island is quite small and in about 30 minutes we were there. It is in Knudson Cove and is in fact amazing. It is a little shack with outdoor seating and along with a lot of pie options it has a full lunch menu.

We decided to have lunch there. K tried the clam strips and a piece of lemon cheesecake. This was some of the best cheese cake I have ever had from the taste to the texture! Also note, the cheesecake was the first part of lunch. D had two pieces of pie - lunch and dessert and both met her very exacting palette.

From there we drove another 10 min to Settler's Cove where we did some exploring and then another two minutes we hit the end of the road....literally. This road is the main road for the island and we got to the end in, if driven straight, less than an hour. Something a little shocking for two city girls!

Here are the pictures from our pie/rental car day!

a minivan, really?

So yesterday at the one coffee shop in town (which is only open til 3pm - thanks winter hours) K was sitting and reading a biography of Leonardo DaVinci when in walks 4 Coast Guard men/boys in full uniform.

Those of you who know K know that a sight like this would definitely distract her from almost any activity! Here is where the Alaska twist comes in....2 of the 4 are married and apparently the vehicle of choice is a minivan - a dodge minivan.

While, when examined this all makes sense however upon first glance it is funny and disappointing all at once. Just like seeing not hot firefighters....just a little wrong.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


D: maaan! Crackaz be gangin up!

K: well. That is historically accurate.

(Re: the biggest loser vote...and hegemony)

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Actually Helpful Link

Secret bra money pocket!

In Case You Too Have Free Time

I have free time. I am unemployed/retired. Regular unemployment is yucky and poor and by force. I'm livin like a rich WASP who just graduated an ivy league school and is finding myself. Incidentally, this has offered rich creative opportunities. (probably the world's great people achieved creative heights - pyramids, etc - because they were taking a year off. unclear how could be achieved otherwise.)

Anyhoo, we've taken up sewing/quilting/painting/writing/printing. Currently on the docket: a homespun nightgown. But except for homespun I'm using rough walmart clearance fabric. it'll be cute. trust me.

my first attempt is rather like a pink won ton wrapper that stayed up by sheer force of my own massive bosom and it's antigravitational protrusions. it is below medium. but it was just scrap - there's still hope.

purchased prettier fabric (also walmart clearance - how can you beat $1.50/yard???!)

sought out patterns online.

found the enclosed photo. in case you too want to snazzy up an inexpensive sweatshirt, i have included the link.

thank the muse!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Googling Yourself: 2.0

ok, so of course you've googled yourself, your family, your roommates, any potential love interest - heck, maybe you've even googled that guy that gave you his first name and the fact that he once lived in portland...

point is: in this day and age googling an individual is standard.

i have an upgrade.

it may blow your mind.

once you know it, you can't unknow it.

and i tell you this at my own risk - you may find embarrassingly hideous photos of me. in reality am doing impression of drunk girl.


mind trip yo

Friday, October 9, 2009


Snuggie Addendum

The dog - in the dog snuggie -- in the reading glasses... is reading a book about Frise dogs. Incidentally, it is a Frise. That's deep yo. Real deep. In my abundant free time I have compiled a montage of all things dog snuggie... and prego snuggie.

I call it Snuggie Montage I.

Honestly, what did one do before the internet...


Is it problematic that when faced with a yahoo homescreen with 'obama wins nobel peace prize' and 'reality tv's dugger clan welcomes new baby' i went for the duggers?

I don't think so. They're just so friendly. And pregnant. And organized in that charming homespun honest way. They prayed for obama to receive wise counsel you know...

Wednesday, October 7, 2009


A) obvi a big thank you to our beloved home biscut tandizzle who, upon seeing my fitted sheet "robe" sent us awesome snuggies.

B) has anyone else apprciated the best part of that commercial? The dog (clearly in a dog snuggie that yes- you actually can buy) is wearing walgreens reading glasses. Holla at a nearsighted bitch.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

We moved!!

We've moved into a new place and it has quickly become a crafting den!

The new address is 738 Grant St., Ketchikan, AK 99901.

There is lovely wood paneling and lots of animal paintings. The new kitchen has already seen the baking of a coffee cake, flautas, salmon dip and soon to be ceviche!

This is the home base for the rest of our Alaska time...now just to find some friends....

Saturday, October 3, 2009


D: "I miss my kids"

K: "I'm not black"

D ran to the bano to pee because she was laughing so hard she had to pee... On to sobriety food


For one whooooole year I taught math. Specifically, I taught "1+2=3"... And they still didn't learn it.

Says K: "but they learned slavery"

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

OMG... less than 24 hours till PIE

it is true folks. yourses trulies will be going to see the one, the only:

sitka pie lady.

are we going to sitka (site of jews, russians, and recent hollywood pretty people filming)?



she moved here, has a shop in the marina far north and not accessible via bus, and it, apparently is the only shop there. we have to find it. there's nothing else.

let me take you back, back, back to a time when two fine tipping dusky locals came up to my crab counter oh but a few weeks ago...

me: "where you from?" (question asked to all - answer invariably is either arizona, vancouver, or the deep south)
them: "here"
m: "oh, wow, some local folk. what have you been up to today?"
t: "well, we are from here and are back visiting. today we went to see the sitka pie lady"

i had a gustatory heart attack - how could this be? a pie lady? a pie lady in my own town? my own town that has only one restaurant I haven't yet been two despite arriving five weeks ago - how?! who would deprive me of pie???!

they went on to explain that she is the pie lady from a restaurant in the sitka airport. people would get off their plane during a 30 minute layover to go buy a pie. not a slice of pie - a pie. the whole pie. if not multiple pies. clearly some evil local plot has been keeping me from my pie - fruit, peanut butter, chocolate - they've been pulling the polar bear furr over mine eyes.

i mean, clearly i love to eat... TELL ME ABOUT YOUR PIE.

they trotted off after tipping well (holler) and i stored this morsel of critical information away. my list of things to see in AK is now ranked 1) the pie lady 2)the indian island (no joke, actual island) 3)moose lodge 4)totem poles at the other massive totem pole park 5)tidepools (but i have to be careful not to get caught out and drown due to rapid tide changes)

i digress. back to pie.

after finishing my day i walked next door two weeks ago to the local watering hole and inquired of the ginger haired barmaid - where and how do i get to the pie. she related what she knew - vague directions without street names which seem to be the town hallmark and i proceeded to mi jameson on the rocks.

flash forward to today. fresh faced from my second day of unemployment and with wheels (rented a car to move into next apt - 2 bedrooms this time yall, we movin on up). excited to be driving and not lugging bags in the rain we thought we'd capitalize on our chance to explore past the bus boundaries and investigate this pie situation. K and I recalled different directions to said pie shop, and, without streets, a name of the store, a name of the pie lady, or agreement on whether it was north or south, we sought local aid.





the pie lady.

no joke. but fair readers: i did not die. i proceeded to google. google had nothing. (where the fudge pie do you have to be to google something that exists and get NOTHING - locality check like whoa). but, if at first you don't succeed...

after erroneously calling other businesses in the vicinity of where i thought it should be, asking random shopkeeps around downtown, and questioning the visitors bureau i earned nill for my efforts.

saddened, we made our way to alaska car rental to pickup wheels for the next 24 hours. k - bless her heart - had the presence of mind to ask just oooooooone more time.

the sweet dowdy woman behind the counter is my new fav. person - she confirmed that the pie lady exists and her stalwart shopboy -a little too indie tinged for this town in his tattered nautical wool coat and long bangs - even pointed it out on a map.

i shall tell you what angels taste like when baked into a pie. stay tuned.

Monday, September 28, 2009

lox to knock off yo socks

We made lox yall! If your lucky you'll get some from santa at christmas.

Expect photos of a brunch soon...

Friday, September 25, 2009

which is better?

gay cruisers or lesbian cruisers?

the gays seem to be more fun but the lesbians seem to spend more and talk to each other so if you make a good impression on one people come in all day long saying "I heard this was good..."

so far we've had multiple gay man cruises and today was the first lesbian cruise since we've been here.

Highlight: A Top Chef contestant from a couple seasons ago showed up at D's lunch counter! This is her.
Lowlight: She was a snotty bitch and then we remembered that she sucked and got kicked off quite early.... p.s. as D so eloquently put it. If you are a chef you should know that crab season isn't really until december so don't order crab and then have a shit fit if it's not perfect!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

green green

I've decided two things. First: the only way to make itlong erm in food service is to either be high or listen exclusively to stoner music. While my esteemd colleagues choose to puff uffon break I've tuned the ipod to sublime. Wishful thinking.

Second: evryone here grows. I haveto do double takes consistently to see If im in mendicino. Seriously why is everyone so open about this. I'm obviously a square and frakly almost look the picture of a DEA agent (rolled into town, know nobody, no history - smells like feds to me...)

40 oz...

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

on the hunt

No no, we're not going hunting....yet. We are on the hunt for a new apartment. Some of the prices are coming down (slightly) and lots of people are leaving so on our day off yesterday we went trekking around and looked at some options. We've narrowed it down and are looking at 1 pretty seriously. It's straight up a hill which all of them seem to be but just have images of sliding down it on my butt after falling on ice, or very unsuccessfully trying to climb up a hill of ice. Look out for stories of these events once winter comes....oh dear.

Additionally K is obviously on the hunt for a man at the same time. That is, unfortunately, a search with sadder prospects than the apartment search. There is one potential victim however, as you all know, K does not like to do a lot of work and he, in the words of his employer, "thinks at the speed of a glacier". Even my boss, who is not always observant, commented that he was a little slow.

What does this mean? He has been coming into K's store on a regular basis and not buying anything, only talking to her and being easily distracted by her....um....assets. All this is incredibly flattering however the encounters are generally ending with ok "see you tomorrow" or "I don't have a tour tomorrow so I'll be working the next day". And again you all know that K has very little patience and so is getting more and more frustrated by the day.

I'm sure some of you are saying "Just ask him out K" or "give him your number, duh" but at a certain point it turned into an entertainment of it's own and now K is watching to see if the love affair will ever blossom, a la molder & scully (spelling?) stay tuned...

Sunday, September 20, 2009


Umm, also, it turns out we live in a rainforest....oops!

p.s. it's raining again

alaska wireless...

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Jigga What?

So, as we spend more time here we have come to notice some stark differences between Alaska and our home state of California....

Differences between Alaska & California:
  • In Alaska, the Walmart is tiny (like actually really quite small) and does not carry good sweatpants and only one long sleeve shirt (for women).
  • In Alaska, fat people have love lives
  • In Alaska, there is an ass at the end of our street
  • In Alaska they don't recycle (at all)
  • In Alaska they don't hug trees they clear cut them
  • In Alaska a bus transfer is a radio call from one bus driver to the other announcing the number of transfers and where
We expect that this list will continue to grow as time increases so stay tuned...

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Quinoa: couscous 2.0

Need I say more? Try it people!

Saturday, September 12, 2009

pop goes the racism: another american classic

So, in my traveling wilderness nostalgia for that which never was in my life i really wanted to obtain a copy of Little House on the Prairie.

I have vivid memories of maple candy formed on new snow and was intrigued and delighted when i read about how the kids in the story fried and ate the pigs's tale - it seemed appropriately rugged reading for this frontier adventure i've assigned myself.

Lo and behold while trolling the tiny Salvation Army in town, there were three Laura Ingalls Wilder books. Striving for modesty in my possessions (i know - how new of me right?) I only purchased one: Little House in the Big Woods.

Hiding from the rain in the laaaame coffee shop (that hearkens to smith/northampton/lesbianism/low caliber service in exchange for metro-cosmpoolitan buppieness) i dove into the book.

Spring took me through flowering prairies. Autumn was pig fattening, hunting, and meat smoking. And winter was boring. So boring that Pa had to play the fiddle to entertain the youngins. His ditty (to the tune of pop goes the weasel):

"There was an old darkey
And his name was Uncle Ned,
And he died long ago, long ago.
There was no wool on the top of his head,
In the place where the wool ought to grow.

"His fingers were as long,
As the cane in the brake,
His eyes they could hardly see,
And he had no teeth for the eat the hoe-cake,
So he had to let the hoe-cake be.

"So hang up the shovel and the hoe,
Lay down the fiddle and the bow,
There's no more work for old Uncle Ned,
For he's gone where the good darkeys go."

Lucky uncle ned.

Grieving with the familiar sting of yet another childhood classic gone the was of le american bigotry we slug our way through the drizzle past spawning salmon to the movie theatre.

I can call it the movie theatre because it's the only one. I thought my pain might be assuaged by watching the life, loves, and times of two white chicks. That's right - I finally got to see Julie Julia.

It was snugglie like a cup of hersheys cocoa homemade hot chocolate (follow the recipe folks - it's foolproof). Or perhaps satisfying as the snuggies we both received courtesy of our sister from another mister stuck in oakland. Either way, the movie was good. 96% good!

There's been a lot of food in my life, and in response to the Frenchie on Top Chef claiming french as the supreme cuisine, K and I were posing the question: if you had to eat just one comida for your entire life what would it be?

I said west indian. K said that was cheating because it is the result of colonial fusion. I said it's fair game. But this raises a good question: What is your favorite pre-colonial cuisine?

Thursday, September 10, 2009


it's been hard to post given a. our reduced internet capacity (please see photos for our "alaskan wireless") and b. we're working like immigrants.

you heard me: like IMMIGRANTS!

an appropriate response given by scribe was, "well, as chris rock says - if you have a job that an immigrant can steal... you got a fucked up job."

and indeed i do. my feet are consistently on the verge of bleeding after standing for literally up to 9 hours. this is a whole new angle for an econ class: 'do you want to stand up for 9 hours? let's have class today standing up. oh, what's that billy - you don't like standing up forever? THEN GET A BA!'

i know. i'm a powerful teacher. can't wait to slap that lesson on em.

-the 67% decipherable chef is from oakland and promises to make me adobo crab (?)
-the other chef (who has the shakes) likes K and finally had a first prolonged first human conversation
-we got off early today because the cruise ships couldn't dock in the city because there were 16 foot swells
-D attempted to catch fish with her bare hands... while tipsy. she grasped fish 3 times... fish, incidentally are slippery.
-i eat HELLA crab
-being single and without a criminal record, addiction to alcohol prescription medication, or marijuana makes us two of three women we've met yet... including teens.
-no pregnant women have tried to run us over in a borrowed vehicle, then gotten out and said, "i'm still gonna rip your throat out bitch," and then punched us in the jaw (unlike our one coworker/friend here... pobrecita)
-we're gonna sew!
-K like broccoli
-a lumberjack gave me a piece of wood
-we can work an espresso machine better than any barista at the lakeshore OR alameda starbucks
-the bus is one dollar

-the bus does not seem to keep any perceptible schedule
-working 10 days in a row (pah - labor laws shmabor laws)
-we're not friends with any indians yet
-we apparently can't get hurt here because, as advised by a local "hell no, i'd fly to seattle for any important shit"
-it rains like... a rainforest yo (who knew that was indeed a literal translation)
-we only kick it at the pussy smoke free bar because we're too tired to walk farther
-there's two places to shop: Tongass Trading Company (akin to big longs meets pier 39 meets REI... but smaller), or Walmart. Walmart had one option of long sleeve t-shirt to buy. ONE.
-there is no curry powder... anywhere

at least tim gun can keep us company.

US Men of Steel!

Ok, we are both too hungover and exhausted to write a real post about this yet. However I needed to put in a little teaser.

Alaska women are, in the words of Beyonce, african and bold! There was lots of naked man and lots of groping. D and I were actually shocked by some of it. There is so much to tell but it will have to come soon.

Now, back to bed to kick the all day hangover and be ready for work tomorrow morning at 8:00am...ick!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Photo Albums - there's more!

Ok, so we had our first day off and that obvi resulted in more pics. From now on you can check the gallery for new albums.

See our pics, or go to the following link http://picasaweb.google.com/katie.e.oneil

mini football!!!

baby boys playing football outside our windows!!!! perk of living near a school ball field - it's adorable!!

Monday, August 31, 2009

it's the weekend!!!

We finally have some days off. D has had one day off and K has been working straight through since we started.

How did we celebrate our "Friday" you ask? Well after we got off work at 7:00pm we went to the bar two doors down and had our standard drinks - K with the well Gin & Tonic and D with the Jameson on the rocks - and watched the "lumberjacks" drink, yell and faux fight. "Lumberjacks" is in quotes because they are in fact from the local lumberjack show and do not actually work to haul lumber - and much to K's dismay there was no flannel.

Post drinking (a la 8:15pm) we wandered in the direction of Chico's Mexican Restaurant - Best Pizza in Town. Yup. Alaska truly enjoys the blending of Mexican and Italian cuisines, there are in fact two Mexican/Italian restaurants in town. The food was as expected and then we walked home.

There are lots of stars and you can still see the salmon swimming upriver at night - it's nuts! D got a video of some swimming up a waterfall, we will attempt to post shortly.

On the list for the weekend: walmart, totem poles, salmon hatchery and more groceries....so far.

Saturday, August 29, 2009


Ok, we got some photos online - finally!

The travels from Oakland to Ketchikan are in this album, including the ferry etc.

The ones from our adventures here in the great state of Alaska are in this album. Go there for pics of the nunnery and USSR!

no longer transients!

We have found an apartment!!

We live in an attic apartment across the street from the middle school. In fact as we speak I'm watching a high school football game from our bedroom, while they play in pouring rain (by the way it has rained everyday since we arrived) on gravel. Apparently not enough drainage for grass - kids really are tougher here in AK

It is a one bedroom teeny tiny apartment - nothing like the glamorous days of the big house - with two twin beds in our one bedroom. Yay sleep overs for life!

We are officially working stiffs. D works the seafood bar aptly named the Crab Cracker and K is workin' at the fish market and studiously learning the nuances of King Salmon vs. Sockeye Salmon. The realization I (K) have come to is that only a spoiled white girl like myself would choose to leave a cushy job with benefits and time off (and a desk) to work exhausting hourly jobs for "fun". My excuse is being a member of the caucasian bourgeoisie - who knows why D followed me? Either way we now come home with aching feet and lie in front of the tv and moan. We will work our way up to socializing with the locals some more...probably.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Addendum to previous post

A new girl moved into our room. She has yet to materialize, however the tramp has a pillow already.

We have been sleeping on balled up hats, scarves, and shirts. They are suprisingly hard.
...And hostel mom McScarerton put her boot - the very same that one that trampled to and fro across this town with a shocking volume of avian roadkill, salmon blood, and hosteler germs (prob the worst) - ON TOP OF MY BED.

She sat in cowgirl/lady luck pose kinda rubbing the bottom of her small booted filthy shoe in small circles while sitting (in street clothes) at the foot of my bed.

Almost had a corinary.

...And maybe she's going to be our landlord (if the USSR has any say in the matter)

Exhibit A: USSR

we boozin!

Ode to shibbly joe:

I haven't been this drunk in the middle of the day since senior week.

We've been too depressed to write earlier. We've spent the last 72 hours calling every lead gained from the paper (aptly named "The Local Paper), the 3 listed craigslist ads, poorly handwritten for rent signs, and anything that the kennedy status vacation rental baronness "Mary" has to offer. All on foot in the rain on the bus (aptly named, "The Bus").

Our days of homeless toil are not softened by our early arrival to the church hostel were living in, as it is run by Scary McSkeletor (a would be 60-something vagabond house mother who tells 5 indecipherable stories at once whilst assigning us mild housekeeping duties in the sunday school room where we sleep). (I would add that she has walked in twice on D in the bathroom and woke the both of us yesterday to bring a gibberish speaking japanese american senior in (who she is having do manual labor) to just show her our room.)

Needless to say we have tried to spend little time there and have been too depressed to share our despair via blog.

But a few beers and promises of october rentals have put moderate pep in our step. Now if only we can get K to live on the wrong side of the tracks in a building that would have been the pride of the USSR...

Monday, August 24, 2009

pray for us

For real. We can't find an apt. Pray.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Fresh Off the Boat!

We got off the boat this morning at 7:00am, shared a cab into town with a couple just sightseeing and checked into the hostel....I mean the church.

Yup we will be living, apparently, as nuns until we find an apartment. We can not go drinking at night because we are living in Mortville and must be in by 10pm. This morning when we got in they had us wait in the children's Sunday school room but told us to make sure that we didn't play with the toys...we're not allowed!

Today we are looking for apartments and going to go see a movie to relax - since most things are closed on Sunday and we may not be able to get into the church again until 6pm!

So it appears, at least at first, that instead of being slutty here in AK we will actually be living a nun's life....really hope we find an apartment soon!

Friday, August 21, 2009

Lord guide and keep us safe in canadian waters - we've shipped out

Were running low on provisions and we've been at sea approx. 1.5 minutes. Oy

santa's little helper...

Today while waiting for the bus to take us to the ferry (woohoo) we saw santa's little helper I guess they deserve vacation too but you'd think they would want to go somewhere warm for vacay.

Ginger count for Seattle leg of the trip: 16

Here's D on the bus from Seattle to Bellingham to the ferry!

we not on a boat [yet]

Sitting with 150 lbs of luggage (we could've brought a skinnier friend for that poundage) watching the cruise shippers stream by.

The just back from alaska cruise ship women: all in impratical shoes (but a refreshing change from the hip seattle 20something REI chic)

The men: portly

The children: blond

The 10am bus driving us north to our 'budget cruise': absent

The ride from K's uncle: priceless

Thursday, August 20, 2009

difference between bay area and seattle

The difference between seattle and the bay area is that in the bay area white people are ashamed of their whiteness, not the case here. Also all the cleaning people are white...new job market mexico!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

we on a boat man!

We on a boat man. We wit the fam man. We caint pay for nuttin but eggs that hit the scram man.

But for real: in seattle.

Bags: all safe and accounted for (see photo next post)

Seattle: plesant city. Prospective site for the great indie douche migration as A. There's few colored people. B.few poor people. C. Nobody to call their oft replicated individuality into question as everyone here is concerned with danskos, gardening, coffee, and being bugrois. D. They can rep so poor they have to take public transportation without the financial committment (free busses here).

Boat trips: 3
Seals spotted:3

Rain: none

Sunday, August 16, 2009

It Begins...

I am.

not talking with a burning bush (nor, thankfully, do i have a burning bush) but i am...

up at 5:30 am for the third or fourth time in a week. gracias anxiety. but i suppose it's time to do something that scares me so much my subconscious wakes me from slumber (and you know how much i like slumber) to rouse me to action.

sin wit, the plan:
0: Packing/Freaking Out

1: August 18 Leave Oakland, to Seattle

2: August 21 - 23 Seattle on Ferry to Small Town, Alaska

3: August 23 Stay in Small Town Hostel until finding a home or talking the hostel woman into letting us stay... apparently the real estate market in Small Town Alaska is "oooh... really tight" (not in the early 90's sense) according to every realtor in Small Town. How are convict vagabonds/us supposed to create hovels if remax won't hook em up?