Saturday, October 31, 2009

Generic To Do List Typical of any day in Oct.

a. wake before 2pm. looking out at inside of cliff face on which house is perched. water tempts to lull me back to sleep. water is rain and small creek that has started to flow along outer edge of foundation
b. restrain from googling whether ketchikan has mudslides - locals tell me they don't
c. make elaborate lunch/breakfast from scratch
d. watch 2-5 law and orders
e. open door to allow air circulation in window box "modern" 70's hillside apt
f. spend at least half hour catching two flies that have come in via door or seldom opened window. no screens present on any house orifices.
g. pine for cosmopolitanness and X loved one
h. admonish self for pining - am in alaska!
i. look up prices to go explore more of alaska
j. again shriek that this place is unforgivably inaccessible and am incredulous that to get to the island i can see will cost me the same as trip home to oakland. fact: hawaii is cheaper to get to than a glacier
k. look in guidebook for other great things to do here. am being plucky
l. have literally done everything in guide book under $100 in radius of our legs and public transportation
m. have fit
n. sew something
o. watch CSI. brainstorm halloween costumes for grand party at the town's civic center
p. watch CSI again because it sneaks the next episode before the first one has ended. clever carnie trick CSI... very clever....
q. mute TV to speculate on what man upstairs is doing
r. occasionally leave house for own health (store, coffee, hike, stalk minimal acquaintances)
s. think how blanche deveraux is showing us up
t. watch golden girls (on 100% of hours here)
u. do something creative. have decided am currently at artists retreat. that is going very well
v. try to get fit. get bored/involved in another CSI (unless its miami... hate miami)
w. read almost one book a day
x. put makeup on for self
y. attempt photoshoot. delete results
z. go to bed between 2 and 5am. vow to keep normals hours tomorrow.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Thank you Ma Sufflita!

We have recently received some lovely care packages from down south (that's what they call anything below Canada) from Ma' Sufflita. Some lovely Halloween candy and mugs to keep us in the holiday spirit...then today we went to the post office, on the bus with the smelliest man we have ever smelled.

Please note this was an out of the ordinary day for us - we were outside of our apartment! In fact we even went to breakfast at a restaurant!

Ok, so at the post office D receives a large envelope from the home front and the excellence within that envelope can only be appropriately conveyed via video!

what hibernation looks like

When we do reach out to the lower 48 many ask "What do you do?" and I'm sure that some of you have experienced our answers of " really nothing." I thought it was time to show you what two women hibernating in Alaska might look like.
There is a lot of sleeping as the term hibernating would suggest. In the daylight hours I have not gotten up before 11:30 this entire month. One night D had a spider we couldn't find in her room so she slept in the living room....
There was talk of me pulling one of my mattresses out, however I am currentlty sleeping on two twin beds tied together with rope to keep them from sliding apart in the night and I didn't want to take apart such a technical set up.

Our days also involve art projects and sewing projects galore and cooking (obviously for D only). Some things we have completed are baby blankets for dear knocked up friends. We made lox again! It looks like this....

D is working on lots of exciting projects which cannot be divulged yet (i.e. presents, don't be so nosy!), I have made a linoleum print of a creepy octopus, created gum paste flowers (like on the Amazing Wedding Cakes show on TLC), made some stuffed animal cats (they're only minimally creepy) and completed a woodblock of the dead salmon to be found stinking up our lovely little town....

I have yet to attempt to print it but so far I'm fairly happy with it....we'll see.

So, to recap we sleep, create and watch a ton of tv - does anyone realize how many wedding shows are on tv at all times? I dream about weddings, not something in my personality.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Tyra, Mixies, and Black/brownface


Tyra has founded the neo blackface fashion spread - by way of mixies. I have to say, the shame i sometimes have of my kind - induced by huge egos, cluelessness, uppitiness, bourgieness, selling our darker kin down the river (sometimes literally), and internalized white supremacy - was actually in direct proportion to the stupidity of this episode.

choice quotations:
"think about Egypt, the people, what they've been through"

"in Botswana, music is heard everywhere you go"

"Hapa means half in Hawaiian"

Don't send Fat Kids to Alaska

setting: in the same 800 sq. food apt the following g chat conversation actually occurred

d: i know what you did last week

k: i think it was two weeks ago if your talking about that thing
time flies when you do nothing

d: no i was making a movie analogy

k: i got that too, thought it had double meaning..
whatcha doin?

d: sitting five feet from your bed

k: oh

d: i hear you typing
and breathing

k: if there were an upstairs i'd run there and not be able to get out

d: i need dessert
i'm gonna slit my wrists unless i have dessert

k: you still have ice cream sandwiches... the serious way?

d: they're not cutting it
its cheap

k: we could walk to pioneer for pie

...and so we did.

UNTIL IT WAS CLOSED. THE ONLY 24 HOUR ESTABLISHMENT (a shitty diner not to be confused with the magnificent beautiful heavenly pie lady). closed.

the only food/dessert/sausage/cheeseburger to be had is whatever i remembered to buy at the grocery store several days ago.

this is criminal. v. like peasants of yesteryear. someone should open a 24 hour diner/bakery here. you'd make a killing. i'd hook you up with my local connections. not joking.

so of course we went to a bar instead. one drink: g&t and jameson and soda.

while the sonic commercial taunted me from the silent tv in the corner we could only agree with the barkeep:

at least it's exciting that it might snow.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Things we have found out in our copious amounts of free time:

seagulls are found on all 5 continents and have existed for at least 30 million years

all animals are believed to have evolved from sponges - sponges!

one reduces the temperature of a cheesecake to cool it gradually which keeps it from cracking on top

ramen gets its yum from sea cucumber

there are no snakes in alaska

Sunday, October 25, 2009

A City Without ANY Mexicans

dude. there are no mexicans here.

there is one cuban. the lady i waited for the bus with at walmart said of him, "he's such a fuckin cuban - playin all that mexican music all loud and shit." She told me that right after telling me about how old people tried to kidnap her daughter two separate times, although in truth i think one time was a mistake.

but for real: can you really imagine a town without a mexican?

sometimes i have to mariachi yell to keep their spirit alive...

Friday, October 23, 2009


Alaskan men are normal normal boys who are willing to work and couldn't make it in a big pond.

Please note: this new and accurate description says nothing of criminal records, drug use, ATTRactiveness, age, or social skills.

That is all.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

the pie...

Ok so we have been informed by some of our followers that we did not post about the results of our pie excursion. The result?

The pie was amazing! We rented a car that day and started driving for what we thought would definitely be a day trip. In fact this island is quite small and in about 30 minutes we were there. It is in Knudson Cove and is in fact amazing. It is a little shack with outdoor seating and along with a lot of pie options it has a full lunch menu.

We decided to have lunch there. K tried the clam strips and a piece of lemon cheesecake. This was some of the best cheese cake I have ever had from the taste to the texture! Also note, the cheesecake was the first part of lunch. D had two pieces of pie - lunch and dessert and both met her very exacting palette.

From there we drove another 10 min to Settler's Cove where we did some exploring and then another two minutes we hit the end of the road....literally. This road is the main road for the island and we got to the end in, if driven straight, less than an hour. Something a little shocking for two city girls!

Here are the pictures from our pie/rental car day!

a minivan, really?

So yesterday at the one coffee shop in town (which is only open til 3pm - thanks winter hours) K was sitting and reading a biography of Leonardo DaVinci when in walks 4 Coast Guard men/boys in full uniform.

Those of you who know K know that a sight like this would definitely distract her from almost any activity! Here is where the Alaska twist comes in....2 of the 4 are married and apparently the vehicle of choice is a minivan - a dodge minivan.

While, when examined this all makes sense however upon first glance it is funny and disappointing all at once. Just like seeing not hot firefighters....just a little wrong.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


D: maaan! Crackaz be gangin up!

K: well. That is historically accurate.

(Re: the biggest loser vote...and hegemony)

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Actually Helpful Link

Secret bra money pocket!

In Case You Too Have Free Time

I have free time. I am unemployed/retired. Regular unemployment is yucky and poor and by force. I'm livin like a rich WASP who just graduated an ivy league school and is finding myself. Incidentally, this has offered rich creative opportunities. (probably the world's great people achieved creative heights - pyramids, etc - because they were taking a year off. unclear how could be achieved otherwise.)

Anyhoo, we've taken up sewing/quilting/painting/writing/printing. Currently on the docket: a homespun nightgown. But except for homespun I'm using rough walmart clearance fabric. it'll be cute. trust me.

my first attempt is rather like a pink won ton wrapper that stayed up by sheer force of my own massive bosom and it's antigravitational protrusions. it is below medium. but it was just scrap - there's still hope.

purchased prettier fabric (also walmart clearance - how can you beat $1.50/yard???!)

sought out patterns online.

found the enclosed photo. in case you too want to snazzy up an inexpensive sweatshirt, i have included the link.

thank the muse!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Googling Yourself: 2.0

ok, so of course you've googled yourself, your family, your roommates, any potential love interest - heck, maybe you've even googled that guy that gave you his first name and the fact that he once lived in portland...

point is: in this day and age googling an individual is standard.

i have an upgrade.

it may blow your mind.

once you know it, you can't unknow it.

and i tell you this at my own risk - you may find embarrassingly hideous photos of me. in reality am doing impression of drunk girl.


mind trip yo

Friday, October 9, 2009


Snuggie Addendum

The dog - in the dog snuggie -- in the reading glasses... is reading a book about Frise dogs. Incidentally, it is a Frise. That's deep yo. Real deep. In my abundant free time I have compiled a montage of all things dog snuggie... and prego snuggie.

I call it Snuggie Montage I.

Honestly, what did one do before the internet...


Is it problematic that when faced with a yahoo homescreen with 'obama wins nobel peace prize' and 'reality tv's dugger clan welcomes new baby' i went for the duggers?

I don't think so. They're just so friendly. And pregnant. And organized in that charming homespun honest way. They prayed for obama to receive wise counsel you know...

Wednesday, October 7, 2009


A) obvi a big thank you to our beloved home biscut tandizzle who, upon seeing my fitted sheet "robe" sent us awesome snuggies.

B) has anyone else apprciated the best part of that commercial? The dog (clearly in a dog snuggie that yes- you actually can buy) is wearing walgreens reading glasses. Holla at a nearsighted bitch.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

We moved!!

We've moved into a new place and it has quickly become a crafting den!

The new address is 738 Grant St., Ketchikan, AK 99901.

There is lovely wood paneling and lots of animal paintings. The new kitchen has already seen the baking of a coffee cake, flautas, salmon dip and soon to be ceviche!

This is the home base for the rest of our Alaska just to find some friends....

Saturday, October 3, 2009


D: "I miss my kids"

K: "I'm not black"

D ran to the bano to pee because she was laughing so hard she had to pee... On to sobriety food


For one whooooole year I taught math. Specifically, I taught "1+2=3"... And they still didn't learn it.

Says K: "but they learned slavery"